A peek through the looking glass

(Warning: Slightly disgusting toilet (humor?)/descriptions)

You walk up to the toilet door. It’s closed. From Inside.

Let us consider the various possible options of what could be happening inside.

a. Someone is taking a dump.

b. Someone is taking a dump.

c. Someone is taking a dump.

Pray, tell me, in which of these circumstances would it become necessary for you to take a peek inside and reconfirm?

I had an opportunity (an urgent need, rather) to visit a public ‘toilet with a difference’ recently. Each of the toilet doors had a good 1’ X 2’ sized window in the upper half of the door. Clear glass. Double sided. Bang at the eye level of the observer (if he so chooses to spend his time). Apparently the ‘public’ part of ‘public toilet’ had been taken rather literally in this case.

What possible reason could anyone have had to put up windows on a toilet door? After considerable contemplation, (part of it carried out in that very toilet), here’s my take on it.

This technology marks the start of a revolutionary new communication system across the toilet door. In the coming years, it shall completely replace the existing wordless communication protocol for Indian toilets, which for the ignorant, goes thus.

…

Man Outside Awaiting His Turn (MOAHT): Knock (“I’m waiting outside”)

Man Inside Taking a Dump (MITD): Hmmm… (“OK”)

…

MOAHT: Knock Knock Knock (in quick succession). (“I’m still waiting”)

MITD: Uhmm! (“I know!”)

….

MOAHT: DHUM DHUM DHUM!!! (Loud Knocking) (“What the @#%@^$ are you doing inside??!”)

MITD: … (Silence) (“What do you think, you moron?”)

…

MOAHT: (Tests handle of bathroom) (“I’m going to break this down. This doesn’t seem too strong”)

MITD: (Makes shuffling noises with feet / turns on the water, both being indications of him nearing the end of his business inside)

…

MOAHT is joined by ‘Man In Support of Man Outside Awaiting His Turn (MSMOAHT)’. This can be inferred (from inside) by the extra pair of shuffling feet, and the healthy amount of conversation carried out in grunts and ‘tsk tsks’ by the couple outside. MSMOAHT then grunts, knocks and tests the handle of the toilet all at once. (He can afford to do this since he’ll be long gone by the time MITD comes out).

The sound of a toilet being flushed is heard from inside, at which point MSMOAHT takes his leave, having successfully completed the mission. Moments later, MITD opens toilet door, to be met by a very dirty stare and a loud ‘TSK’ from MOAHT. MITD avoids any eye contact and heads straight to the wash basin. (Note that MITD successfully avoids any physical confrontation by the simple act of holding his dirty hands in front of his body at all times during this encounter)

To sum it up, this progressive new ‘Window’ technology would revolutionize the field of ‘across the door’ toilet conversation in India.

MOAHT would peek into the window with a questioning look on his face. He could also raise his eyebrow for purposes of clarity. (The thumbs up sign for ‘How much time?’ would not be a good idea since it could be mistaken for ‘All the best’ which would also be very applicable in the given context)

The combination of the expression on MITD’s face and its magnitude (Pain, Joy, Bliss, Anger, Frustration etc) would be, under most circumstances, more than enough information to accurately guess the amount of time required for MITD to finish up.

In some ambiguous cases, MITD could hold up his fingers to indicate expected time of completion.

Unless his hands are otherwise occupied.