bullet point hell

I once read something a highly successful alum had written about IIM grads. It went something like this.

“The most important thing we learn at IIMs is the art of making a presentation. It is unfair, the kind of advantage we derive in the corporate world from this single attribute.”

Hard to believe. If what’s on offer everyday here is anything to go by. The truth is, in IIMs, presentations suck! Period.

(Note: I am referring to presentations, not just ppt slides, but the whole process of presenting anything to an audience. The difference is massive)

Lets accept it. We make bad presentations, backed by ppts containing slide upon slide of bullet points coupled with gaudy templates and microscopic font narrating extremely verbose stories. We stutter from one bullet point to the other spending a niggardly amount of time on each before we look to the next point on the slide to rescue us from moronic silence. In short, we suck.

I know what you’re thinking.

‘Nobody cares. Who the hell will put in effort for such a silly class presentation? OF COURSE we can make a good (nay, excellent) presentation if we really wanted to.’

I know a presentation with something at stake will definitely turn out better than the ‘read paragraph – convert into 3 bullets – read out bullets in class’ type of junk we regularly churn out. But let’s be realistic with ourselves.

After 2 years of this crap, we aren’t going to wake up one day and make an outstanding presentation. We might accomplish a decent one, but definitely not anything that’ll leave the audience wanting more.

Have a look at the presentations handed out by the alumnus visiting the college for summer ppts. They WANT to make a good impression, being an alumnus and all that. They WANT to make their company look good. They WANT people not to fall asleep. Surprise! Surprise! They suck too. And this is going to be us in the very near future.

At this point of time you’re probably thinking about the handful of people who do make good presentations. DON’T. Because the argument is for the batch as a whole. At the end of the day, its the majority that matters.

Think about it.

PS: Will come up with another post on this topic soon. Promise.

getting a kick out of life

(Disclaimer: The incidents described below are totally fictitious and any resemblance to any person, living or dead (which, by the way, will emerge as a distinct possibility), is totally incidental.

You Wish.)

Humanity has reached the end of the road.

There was a time when birthdays used to be peaceful affairs celebrated with nothing more dangerous than sharp wit or blunt humour.

Now they are occasions marked by inglorious kicking sessions dominated by monsters with blood in their eyes and anything from bats to sticks to pipes and footwear in their hands. You get walked down death row, drenched in (preferably) cold water, beaten to near (in some cases actual)unconscious, splattered with eggs and cake, and if unlucky enough to have a lot of caring friends, get your balls smashed against the nearest pillar.

I know you’re thinking, “Where’s the fun in that?”

Here’s the good part. This unholy ritual is then followed by people hugging you, along with reluctant sighs of “happy birthday, dude” whispered in your ear. You then get the honor of taking them to the mess and throwing an open party where people eat some and then carry some more back to their rooms. Everyone’s happy including the birthday boy who is nearly in tears (of joy, they say). The guy calculates his popularity in accordance with the pain in his ass and feels happy enough to have gotten through alive.

Long after I’ve accepted the barbaric kicks and physical torture, there are still a few things that trouble me. There are always less “Happy Birthday”s then the number of people kicking the shit out of the poor soul. Simple logic leads me to understand that there are at least a few people out there who come in, kick the guy, then go back without even a customary, if reluctant, birthday wish.

I wonder how they manage to sleep at night.

But if the new trend is to be believed, those were the good old days. Just today I heard of this shocking incident that occurred sometime back. The birthday boy in question was throwing a party. It was celebrated with the customary kicks, followed by a night of heavy boozing (to relieve the pain, one supposes). Now, comes the scary part. The poor soul, now totally inebriated, was walked to his room, where he was then kicked, again (!), for good effect. The troubling thing is that the guy obviously had no idea he was being wished (?) the seven seas and the seven heavens in his drunken state. But in his oblivious state, he got a few heavy rounds of merciless birthday bumps, and then some.

In short, a drunk guy got the shit kicked out of him for no obvious reason.

Seriously, what have we turned into?

quote hanger?

Generally speaking, there can be three reactions that can occur when you read a quote.

1. You feel truly inspired / heady / drunk / like a stupid moron in comparison to the enormous intellect displayed through the quote in question.
2. You go like this. “OK.”
3. And then the truly special one comes along. And you go “what the bloody $#%^&!”.

Here’s one. (Today's 'quote of the day' from google reader)

“"To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe."

One soggy brown banana for guessing where this one goes.

Or like Iyer says “Kuch bhi bolege kya!?”